Women-initiated Divorces

I read a blog today that described how more women are initiating divorces lately. I'm not sure if it is indeed a trend. I did, however, come across an AARP magazine article from 2004 titled, "A House Divided." Written by Elizabeth Enright, the subtitle was "Divorce over 50 is on the rise. Women do the walking. Men don't see it coming." In the article, Ms. Enright reports, "In the AARP survey, 66 percent of women reported that they asked for the divorce, compared with 41 percent of men. And men more often than women were caught off-guard by their divorce (the news blind-sided 26 percent of men, compared with 14 percent of women)."

Sound familiar? That's what happened to me (though I was 38 at the time). My ex-wife and I were having problems and had tried marital counseling for six months. We hit a significant road block, she backed out of counseling, and a few months later, she moved out. I had great hopes that we would work it out. What I didn't realize was, she had been trying to save the marriage for many many months. I knew we had issues; doesn't every marriage?! What I didn't realize was how bad it was on her end. By the time things really hit the fan, she had already left the marriage emotionally and I was just getting ready to work on it.

If your marriage is heading for or already in trouble and your wife is initiating separation or divorce, I know how you feel. I've been there. Chances are, when you come up for air, things will be pretty cloudy. You're in what I call The Fog of Divorce™. That's the bad news.

What's the good news?  >>>>>>

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A Perspective on Divorce

While I was going through my divorce, I found it difficult (as a man) to find resources to help me weather the storm. I ended up in a church-based group pretty far from where I lived. It wasn’t my preference but it was all I could find.

Disclaimer: I was raised Roman Catholic but I consider myself simply a person of faith.

There were a few things I learned and two primary things I took away from my experience with that group:

  1. I didn’t want to end up like some of those folks who still believed there was something they could do to win back their ex-spouse (after 5, 10 or even 20 years of divorce!), and
  2. An image that helped explain why it was so painful

I want to explain Point 2 briefly and where I am now with respect to it.  >>>>>>>>

Read more: A Perspective on Divorce

divorce crack in ice
Paul McGinniss
Divorce Coaching for Men
Survive the fog of divorce