Going through a divorce sucks, even for a man.
There. I said it. But you were thinking it.
So how’s that supposed to help you?
Actually, two ways. >>>>>>>>>
One: Simply by naming an emotion, you allow the brain to get a handle on it. That allows you to decide what you want to do with the emotion in a way that serves you, rather than limits you. It frees up your working memory and gets you thinking again, instead of reacting or emoting.
Two: When you think about (focus on, pay attention to) something, you make it stronger in your brain, that is, you strengthen or deepen the connections or maps that exist already. It’s like sun shining on a plant; it helps it grow. The thing is, you probably don’t want to strengthen things that are harmful to you, do you? I didn’t think so.
“So what should I think about?”
Simple. Think about (create a goal around) what you do want that you don’t have.
“What’s the catch?”
OK, you caught me. There is one catch. You can only think about things you want that are independent of your (ex-)spouse, meaning, you cannot create goals like:
- I want my (ex-)spouse to start loving me again
- I want my (ex-)spouse to come back home (or to ask me to come back home)
- I want my (ex-)spouse to stop arguing with me
“Well, I don’t know what I want!”
That’s OK. We can work with that. You probably know what you don’t want. Simply take that, and state its opposite. For instance:
- Don’t want: Pain | Want: Happiness
- Don’t want: Anger | Want: Calmness
- Don’t want: Confusion | Want: Clarity
See how that works. Now you try it using your own words.
Divorce does suck. But only you can decide for how long….
Ciao for now,
Paul McGinniss
The Divorce Coach 4 Men
paul@divorcecoaching4men.com
516.216.4233
© Divorce Coaching 4 Men 2008. All rights reserved.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.